When I’m Gone

I’m not an outgoing person, and I know I’m not so much into building strong friendship alliances. At least the difference between you and me is the mere fact that I am no hypocrite about it. I know I don’t go out often and I barely meet old or new faces. I may not be happy about it, but I don’t want to pretend when you’re not around.

I say a prayer for you in silence; I don’t have to show the whole world I do it. I wonder how you’re doing and find every means possible to confirm you’re still okay. I make my small contributions; you may not notice or see it, but deep down God knows I do it. You may mean so much to me, but I have a weakness. I can’t pick the phone and check on you. So why then should I pretend because you’re not with me?

No, I cannot pretend. I don’t like the fact that I cannot call or hear your voice. I cannot even stomach the thought that I can’t see or talk to you. But what more can I do? At least I can smile from a distance when I know you’re okay. That’s more than enough.

So when I’m not around, don’t pretend like you cared. Don’t act like we were the best of friends when you know we really weren’t. Don’t sing my praise when you know you only spread nothing but mean words about me. I don’t want you to tell the world how great I was when you know I wasn’t. Of course, I was no saint, so why sing my praises?

When I leave, I leave in peace, so please give me that. I don’t want to turn and twirl because you just can’t shut up. No, don’t give me that. When I leave, let me leave in peace. Be who you were in my life, and don’t talk because you know I can’t either.

Because you had the chance to do it when I was around, I’d rather you don’t do it when I leave. If you want to, check on me. If you want to, ask how I’m doing. And if you truly want to, ask me to hang around and keep you company. That way I’ll know I mean more than words to you. But don’t be a hypocrite and do it when I’m gone. Coz when I leave, I want to leave in peace.

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