Do you believe in second chances? Well, I do. So you still love them, right? Fight for them! Breakups are the worst I can guarantee. You spend sleepless nights thinking about your ex, wondering what they might be doing or what you could have been doing together. All you can think about is how to have them back and make things work out once again.
Trying to win back your ex could be the most difficult task you could ever embark on. While most people think this is hard, it is possible provided you both learn from your past mistakes. Chances are, your relationship may become even stronger the second time. Anyway, not all hope is lost. Below are a few steps you can follow to rebuild a relationship, have your ex back and make things even better than before; the key ingredients being; time, patience, and honesty.
After the breakup, you will have a lot of time to yourself. Use this time to do something good or better with your life that will help you win back your ex. It will also build your self-confidence, make you feel better and look more attractive particularly to your ex.
Do some self-assessment as well and try to understand the reasons why your relationship was rough in the first place. Always aim to learn from your past mistakes and pick yourself up.
Even if they partly contributed to all the problems you faced, the best thing you can do for yourself is to take full responsibility for your mistakes. During this time, avoid contact with your ex and rid yourself of anything that could remind you of the relationship you previously had.
2. Therapy! Therapy! Therapy!
I cannot stress this enough! Therapy is very good way of healing and getting over the past. Make an effort to visit your therapist and have the chance to vent out any bottled emotions and help you through the healing and reconciliation.
Breakups are very emotional times to all of us, therefore, no one will crucify you if you take sometime on your own to grieve. Whilst doing this, involve a few close friends and relatives who will act as your social support system.
Breakups are very emotional times to all of us. Therefore, no one will crucify you if you take some time on your own to grieve. While doing this, involve a few close friends and relatives who will act as your social support system.
3. Slow But Sure Steps
Believe me, this is no Hollywood movie or Mexican soap opera. After all, Rome was never built in a day. If it’s worth fighting for, then it’s worth the wait as well, so be patient and give them all the time they need.
Make sure it is a calculated risk you are willing to take so that even if things don’t work out in the end, it won’t hurt as much. Do not be desperate to have them back because this will put them off completely, so act cool and let time be the judge of your efforts.
4. Be a Friend from a Distance
Find less threatening ways of keeping the communication lines open. Avoid the telephone and text messaging as much as possible especially when things are still not as calm as they should be; this way you could avoid heavy messages such as “I love you” or “I want you back”.
Be a friend but from a distance; emails are good less threatening ways of reopening these communication lines. This way, you will be able to show care and concern, but from a distance. Just be a good friend, say hi when you can and check how they are doing but be keen not to go overboard or act too pokey.
5. Never Forget the Important Days
Now, I know most people are very terrible with dates, especially men, but, believe me, this is a very special way of showing your ex that you still care and think about them. A simple birthday card can work wonders in rebuilding your relationship, so always make an effort to remember such dates.
6. Acknowledge Your Mistakes
It may be the hardest thing to do for most of us, but honestly, spending all the time and energy revisiting everything that was heartbreaking will not be of any good in the end. Admit your mistakes – even if it was not totally your own doing – and acknowledge the fact that things would have been way better if you had done things better.
7. Show Them That You Are a Different Person
It won’t do you any good if you acknowledge your mistakes but do nothing about it. Act to improve yourself for the better and make the effort to correct all the faults you made that stirred your relationship problems.
Let them see that you took control and tackled all the issues that broke your relationship the first time – show them that you have changed for the better. Do not let jealousy, anger or over defensiveness take over your conversation; always keep your emotions in check.
8. Reach Out and Approach Your Ex Casually
So your main aim here is not to put pressure on them, but to keep the communication lines as open as you can. Once you are healed and ready to face them, a phone call or text message would not hurt provided it is brief and casual. Let them know that you wish for nothing but their happiness because you still care.
Offer them some assurance that you will always be there for them no matter the circumstance. By doing this, you will be able to show them that you have left the door open for them and that you would not rule out any chance of reconciliation. Seek to invite them to places they are comfortable (with your friends) or you could invite them over when you hold parties at your house.
9. Revisit the Good Times and Show Them That You Still Love Them
Remind them of the good times you once had as a couple and how happy you both were during those times. If you have to remember the bad times, be sure to express how bad you feel and ask for their suggestions on how you could make up for those painful days.
Tell them how you still feel about them, but only do this if it is the right time. Do not pressure them; be as honest and sincere as you can to show them that you still want them back. Let her see that you are willing to do things differently and rightly.
Even if it means dressing like a clown or barking like a dog because they want, do it wholeheartedly, this way they will appreciate the fact that you love them so much and are willing to do the impossible or look silly just to make things work out once again.
10. Couples Therapy
Seek professional help once again, but this time, do it together as a couple. See if they are willing to attend couples therapy with you and be sure to attend every session and use this opportunity to speak truthfully and openly.
There are lots of therapists who conduct couples therapy even to unmarried couples, so take this chance to add a professional third party to help you through.
There is no guarantee that things will work out. After all nothing is ever guaranteed in this life, unless in the afterlife. All the same, make an effort to rebuild your relationship however bad things seem right now.
Take all your time and keep in mind that being impatient or putting too much pressure will not only lose you your last chance of making things work, but it will push your ex even further away increasing your relationship problems.